INTRODUCING NEW REPORTER MIKE O'PONE
Tags: Local
The Northston Tribune is pleased to announce that we recently hired the talented Mike O'Pone into our ranks! Mike O'Pone is a young 28 year-old man, eager to report on the latest events with pristine accuracy. But what might strike you as most interesting about him is that his head is a microphone!
That's right! He's one of those fellows who lost his head and replaced it with newfangled technology from ViviTech! ViviTech is a technical company that has worked since the 1840's to bring all kinds of advancements to daily life. They're the ones behind the first electric automobile, the wireless telephone, the internet, and now biotic technology like the prosthetic head Mike has. Of course, not everything that Vivitech does is recieved well by the public. Ever since Vivitech introduced the world to Harvey, the first-ever "Trans-humanist", the good citizens of our nation have talked endlessly about what this means for morality, religion, science, and the future. Not too long ago, many religious leaders such as Pope Pius XI publically denounced and criticized Vivitech for being against natural laws and morality. This moral panic has since led to numerous protests and even riots demanding Vivitech to be transparent about all its practices. The CEO of Vivitech has been silent regarding these questions and also will not respond to The Northston Tribune's requests for further input.
Despite the controversy regarding "trans-humanists", Mike assures our reading public that he is just like anyone else. He attends Sunday mass every day, enjoys a good swing record, and goes for walks on his coffee breaks. The friendly journalist has a firey passion for justice, too. Not even a "Good enough" is enough for this young man; he'll go as far as he needs to to get to the truth. He is a true gem in the journaling world; and we are excited to have him work with us.
"We're glad to have someone who listens so well to everything," his co-worker Sherry Pie remarked. "He remembers everything we tell him and then some. Truly a talented ear! Ha, sometimes I wish that I could have some of that super-hearing. It'd make investigations so much easier!"
It should please you to know that Mike has, and always well be, a Northston Native. He was born on 1896 on a cold winter's eve, and we were told from his parents that he was born already knowing right from wrong. He had a hobby of reciting law statutes and Bible verses from memory, a skill that got him to win the spelling bee and the Illinois State Trivia Competition(1897). Since then, Mike's used his talent for listening and remembering to get into journalism at a young age, leaving behind his family trade of music-making.